Maintaining proper hygiene is crucial for overall health and cleanliness. According to Dr. Robert H. Shmerling from Harvard Medical School, about two-thirds of Americans shower daily, while over 80% of Australians do the same. In contrast, more than half of the Chinese population reports bathing only twice a week. The frequency of showering varies from person to person—some prefer it daily, while others opt for a few times a week. However, in the case of our reader, her husband refuses to shower more than once a week.

She shared her experience, seeking advice on how to address the issue. She wrote, “My husband works five days a week but only showers on weekends. By midweek, I’ve told him he smells bad, but he just shrugs and says, ‘I’m too tired after work.’”

She went on to explain their background: they’ve been married for nearly a year and a half. In the beginning, she rarely noticed his shower habits because they worked different shifts—she had a morning job, while he worked nights. Their schedules barely overlapped, and looking back, she found the situation amusing.

Three months into their marriage, she transitioned to working from home, which was convenient since they were planning to start a family. That’s when she started noticing that he only showered once a week. Initially, she hadn’t realized it because he didn’t have an odor and changed clothes daily. Although it bothered her, she hesitated to bring it up, fearing it would come across as rude.

“As time went on, I became more uncomfortable, especially at night, knowing he hadn’t showered. But addressing it felt increasingly difficult. I tried hinting at it with comments like, ‘This weather is perfect for a shower,’ or asking, ‘Do you want to freshen up?’ But he just brushed it off. The most he did was wash his face every morning.

I shower every day, so his habits felt off to me, but I still didn’t want to be blunt about it. Then, he switched to a physically demanding daytime job, where he sweated a lot, yet still didn’t shower after work. At that point, I found it outright gross.”

Despite her concerns, she managed to tolerate it, as he still didn’t smell bad—until they had a baby.

She explained, “When I found out I was pregnant, I finally mustered the courage to bring up the issue directly. I told him that my pregnancy was making me more sensitive and asked if he could shower at least three times a week.

During that time, hygiene became a top priority for me. I wanted a clean environment, both for my comfort and for the baby’s well-being. To my surprise, he immediately agreed. Looking back, I regretted not addressing it sooner. My husband is an amazing man—he took great care of me throughout my pregnancy and childbirth.

But once life settled back into routine, he returned to his once-a-week showers. After a long day at work, he would simply change clothes and immediately pick up our two-month-old baby. I wasn’t sure if I was being overly sensitive, but it made me uncomfortable. The thought of bacteria lingering on him worried me, especially for our baby’s health.”

She continued, “Not only did he revert to his old routine, but he also started to develop a noticeable odor. It became difficult to ignore. His hair was greasy, and even after his weekly shower, the lingering sweat smell didn’t fully go away. My frustration grew.

One night, I finally confronted him about it. I asked why he had gone back to showering only once a week and confessed that it had bothered me from the start. I told him I had managed to endure it, but I didn’t want our child to have to.

I lost my patience. I called him gross and disgusting. His stunned expression made me realize how harsh my words were. I had bottled up my feelings for so long that everything just came out at once. I was about to apologize when he cut me off, insisting that he had never actually changed his habits. I was taken aback.”

His response left her in disbelief. Had he been lying all this time? Had he deceived her? Overwhelmed with emotion, she started crying, unable to process his words.

“He told me that he never actually followed my request and had no idea why I believed he had. In tears, I reminded him that he had agreed to it. But he simply shrugged and denied it. I clearly remembered his agreement—was I imagining things? He walked away to sleep in the spare room while I cried myself to sleep with our baby.”

In the following days, after reflecting on everything, she started to question if she had misunderstood the situation. However, she did notice that he had made some effort—he had been using alcohol-based wipes to sanitize himself. Eventually, they both apologized to each other.

“After making amends, I finally asked him why he only showers once a week. His answer left me speechless—he said he didn’t want to ‘wash off his manliness.’ I couldn’t believe it.”

Determined to be direct moving forward, she told him outright that he needed to shower at least three times a week because he smelled bad. But he continued brushing it off, using exhaustion from work as an excuse.

“I tried to be understanding, but last night, I saw something that made me gag. When he took off his shirt, his back was covered in visible dirt and flakes of dead skin. I confronted him immediately: ‘This isn’t just about smell—it’s unhealthy!’ But again, he dismissed my concerns as overreacting and went straight to bed.

Am I really asking for too much?”